Muhahahaha. Kobe Bryant, did I not try to warn you? Did the Great Andrei not tell you in front of a national audience how he was preparing to lay the beat down on you and your wimpy Lakers? I suppose you didn’t take my threats seriously. You probably thought that this crazy man from the mother land was just spewing non sensical venom. You probably thought I was just playing around. Well guess what, you were wrong bitch!
Look at Phil Jackson. He looks pretty mad. I would be mad too if I knew my team was getting demolished by the most perfect physical specimen known to man. Maybe one day I’ll let him drink my sweat, and then he can finally have a taste of perfection.
Oooooooh, how does it feel Kobe to finally play against a man who can block you twice in overtime? Enjoy that full palm sandwich I delivered to your shot? You want another hefty helping the next time we play? Well you can count on it. In fact, it’s not even on the Subway five dollar foot long menu. This one is on the house, courtesy of Kirilenko Catering. Next time you’ll get a taste of a slam-dunk-in-your-face special.
No one can stop me! Not even your pathetic Los Angeles celebrities. It was real cute for those kids from High School Musical to show up. Too bad next time I will have to slam a dunk in all of their faces as well. Andrei does not approve of all this dancing and happiness. I only approve of Cold Wars and authority.
Now that I have defeated you twice in a row, it is time to celebrate. Time to drink some White Russians (yes we drink that) and bask in the glory of victory. I expect Moscow to throw me a ticker tape parade soon.
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